The Scots have a unique way of communicating their feelings. Their sayings are cheeky, to the point, rude and always funny. Scotland’s bestselling humour author is back with his latest collection of hilarious Scottish sayings.

‘Away an’ bile yer heid an’ mak silly soup!’
‘If you don’t behave ah’ll pawn ye an’ sell the ticket.’
‘That wan’s in everything but the Co-operative windae!’
‘If ah had your money ah wid burn ma ain.’
‘Ye’ve goat a heid oan ye like a stair-heid.’
‘The gemme’s a bogie.’
‘Yer cruisin’ fur a bruisin’.’
‘Ah’m that hungry ah could eat a scabbie-heided horse.’
‘Castor oil cures everythin’ but a widden leg.’
‘Wan minute yer a peacock an’ the next yer a feather duster.’
‘Yer talkin’ mince withoot a tattie in sight.’
‘Lang may yer lum reek, an’ may a wee moose never leave yer kitchen press wi’ a tear in its ee.’
‘Yer herr’s mingin’, hingin’ an’ clingin’.’

From the infallible wisdom of the Glesca Granny, to the hilarious patter of larger-than-life conductress Big Aggie MacDonald, Allan Morrison has a sharp eye and a silver tongue when it comes to observational humour.SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY on Haud Ma Chips, Ah’ve Drapped the Wean!

Illustrated by: Bob Dewar