Don't even think of getting married, or breaking up, before you read this book


Grumpy old journalist and you-think-you're-so-funny-man, John Masterson, takes a terrifyingly honest and hilarious look at the things we do to, and occasionally for, the opposite sex in the pursuit of everlasting happiness. Gives new meaning to "till death us do part"...


Most of us marry. Some are even good at it. Some like it so much that they do it again and again. John has been persuaded that it's the ideal state in which to live, but he lacks a woman who is eager, or even willing, to join him in matrimony. Before he makes any life-changing decisions about his bachelor's life, he feels it vital to examine just what he would look for in the woman of his dreams - rather, the wife of his dreams (a bird of a different feather entirely).


With a number of relationships and nothing within a mile of a successful marriage to his name, John has chosen to write about this most important of unions. And what does he know about it? Well, pretty much everything actually.


Join him as he considers the rich tapestry of wife in a witty, insightful, irreverent exploration of the many factors that make up the relationships we desire, and end up in. Readers will encounter many of their own cringeworthy foibles - not to mention those of their mate.


Read carefully before you say "I do". Read even more carefully before you say "I'm out of here," because it's a jungle out there and only the fittest survive. Or think they do.


SAMPLE CHAPTERS
o Irks, smirks and the variable ratio
o Domestic bliss - the nuclear family in the pre-ASBO years
o Shopping, presents and other minefields
o Sex - how often should you put up with it
o Shibolleths - or the importance of talking proper
o Fidelity and the lack of opportunity to get laid
o Your home, your furniture - she will change everything
o Breakfast in bed - the high point in any relationship
o The age gap, sugar daddies and the Rolling Stones except Charlie
o The bane of our lives - why women love bastards
o The importance of cars in driving a relationship forward
o Broken hearts - or just flesh wounds
o Marriage, contentment and letting your body go
o The ones that got away or who you should have married
o The lucky escapes
o Arranged marriages - I wish someone would arrange mine
o The rich tapestry of wife