Everyone knows the tired, clichéd advice for a healthy relationship: Never go to bed angry. The couple that plays together, stays together. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Sexual favors in exchange for cleaning up the cat vomit is a good and fair trade.

Okay, maybe not that last one. In You Can Only Yell at Me for One Thing at a Time: Rules for Couples, the authors of Why Don’t You Write My Eulogy Now So I Can Correct It share their fresh, new romance tips that will make you laugh, make you feel seen, and remind you why your relationship is better than everyone else’s.
These nuggets of advice include:

If you must breathe, don’t breathe so loudly.

It is easier to stay inside and wait for the snow to melt than to fight about who should shovel.

Queen-sized beds, king-sized blankets.

And many more. You Can Only Yell at Me for One Thing at a Time is the perfect gift for your significant other, your friendly anti-Valentine’s Day crusader, or anyone in your life who wants to laugh about the absurdity of love.

Illustrated by: Roz Chast