Gerald Ferguson from Basingstoke - late of the Inland Revenue; husband to Janice, father to John, granddad to little Rose; habitu of the garden, the greenhouse, the loft and the Virgin and Screwdriver; and armchair devotee of Reading Football Club - gets selected to write the third great testament of the age. It's an appalling decision but the lady in the visions seemed adamant. On the Pope's advice he sets off to circumambulate the coast of Britain in search of inspiration. He encounters a series of inappropriate characters only too keen to pass on their unique views on the world. In Portsmouth he meets Matthew Luckless, a seventeen-year-old whose impunity to misfortune; unshakable views on stamp collecting, bird watching, and the abstract idea of nation; and his determination to live the 'perfect life' keep Gerald entertained and supplied with dubious pearls for his Newer Testament. Matt accompanies him as far as Sandwich where, mid-dinner party, he hits Gerald with dramatic news.