From banjo-playing aliens and bikini waxes to crushing on John Denver and men in tight football pants, Sarah Lemire has been entertaining readers for years with her award-winning humor columns. Collected here for the first time in I'll Never Be a Hand Model: and Other Stories I Tell My Therapist, these slice-of-life vignettes will have you laughing at Sarah's hilarious spin on her ordinary life. Dysfunctional family trips, sarcastic observations, and childhood blunders all tumble together with wit, charm, and a heaping dose of secondhand embarrassment.