'Lead Us Not Into Trent Station' is Richard Guise's popular memoir of childhood in a Derbyshire town of the 1950s and '60s. Mr Handlebar in the Market Place, sneezing thurifer's at St Laurence's church, 'Mad Ron' at the local grammar school...real-life characters pack these pages. We're soon taken beyond the Midlands to the hazards of university life, epic battles with French red tape, complete confusion in Spain, sartorial problems in China -- and finally back again to a Long Eaton that poses its own problems in the form of Bazzaranshaz.