'Why is my hair starting to go as grey as Blake Carrington's? What is our local pub called? Are bootcut jeans still fashionable? These are just some of the questions I'll never answer now I've had my first baby.'

With her TV career hitting the skids and her daughter's nappy doing the same every two hours, her husband suddenly unemployed and the bank writing to her only in red, Mel needs to come up with a scheme, and fast: Move to a house they can't afford, of course! Welcome to an endless cabaret of sleeplessness, removal men, sinister toddler groups, husband-stealing lodgers and competitive mums.