STORIES ANE TOASTS FOR AFTER STORIES ANR TOASTS FOR AFTER DINNER The Toastmaster, His Duties and Response. bilities. Toasts and After-Dinner Stories for all Occasions and How to Tell Them BY NATHANIEL C FOWLER, JR. Author of How to Save Money, The Art of Letter Writing, Handbook of Journalism, The Art of Story-Writing, etc. NEW YORK GEORGE SULLY AND COMPANY PREFACE THE author has attempted to present in a concrete and concise way, not only a large number of sensible and appropriate toasts and witty and other after-dinner stories, but also several chapters of general suggestion, which he hopes will be of some value to both the professional and amateur after-dinner speaker and story-teller. It is obvious that neither the author, nor any one else, could produce more than a limited number of original toasts and after dinner stories, and it would be inadvisable for him to do so, because, , even if he pos sessed unusual proficiency and ability in this direction, there would be an unavoidable sameness in the result. The author has, therefore, presented both original and borrowed toasts and after-dinner stories and has not omitted a good toast or story because of its age. The selected toasts and stories are both new and old, and the author has certainly vi Preface tried not to present those which are hack neyed or which lack pertinency and point, nor has he given any which cannot be used as a part of an after-dinner address. As the value of the story depends upon conditions, including environment, as well as upon the quality of the story - itself , and as neither conditions nor environment can be anticipated, the author has not classified the stories. Had he done so, he would without doubt have blanketed their effectiveness, be cause most good stories are applicable to several situations and occasions. To classify them would have been practically impossible, and certainly Inadvisable. CONTENTS KftGX PREFACE , . v THE TOASTMASTER . . . . . . i THE TOAST ....... 14 THE AFTER - DINNER STORY J . , . . 19 THE QUESTIONABLE STORY AND DONTS 25 MANY HUNDREDS OF BRIGHT, WITTY, AND USABLE TOASTS 28 HUNDREDS OF AFTER - DINNER STORIES, SUITABLE FOR ALL OCCASIONS . . 61 STORIES AND TOASTS FOR AFTER DINNER THE TOASTMASTER UNLESS the function is entirely informal, and limited to a few diners, all dinners, with post-prandial exercises, are presided over by a man or woman, officially and commonly known as the toastmaster, never toastmis tress, the term toastmaster applying to both sexes. The toastmaster is the presiding officer and directs the exercises. He sits at the centre of the head-table. If there is a leading or prominent guest, this guest sits at the right of the toastmastej. The guest second in prominence Is at his left, the third at the right of the leading guest, the fourth at the left of the second guest, and so on. After the dinner is over, and the waiters 2 Stories and Toasts have cleared the tables, the toastmaster calls the assembly to order, usually by rapping on the table, or on a glass with a knife, fork, or spoon, and not ordinarily with a gavel. There is no set rule governing the charac ter of the opening remarks of the toastmas ter. Usually his first words are Please come to order, or You will come to order, or Ladies and gentlemen, or Fellow members, or Friends, or Fellow citizens. It is expected that the opening remarks of the toastmaster will be limited to a few minutes, not exceeding five minutes, although the opening words of some toastmasters last for fifteen minutes, or a half-hour, or even longer but it is considered in very bad taste to speak for exceeding five minutes, unless the occasion is one of momentous conse quence and, even then, ten minutes would appear to be the limit. The leading guest or slated speaker, if there be one, may be called upon first or at any time during the exercises...