Ben: Do you ever worry you’ll die without having left a mark?

Tom: What about when you won that 3 a.m. break-dancing battle with the overweight Australian girl?

Ben: It’s not enough. I want to go down in history.

Tom: You’re called Ben Dirs. You will.

Finely-tuned triathlete Tom Fordyce and hopeless smoker Ben Dirs have made a living blogging for the BBC about the triumphs and tribulations of sport at its highest level – but they will never be World Champions themselves. Well, unless they can find some really pointless sporting challenges…

From the gripping slow-motion drama of the World Sauna Championships to the Cotswold Olympicks, in which ‘competitors, wearing boots, attempt to kick each other,’ We Could Be Heroes is a collection of brilliantly funny gonzo despatches from the frontline of sport. If you can race Ben Fogle up a Yorkshire hillside carrying a sack of coal, or kick the shin out of Rory McGrath, you could be the Champion of the World – and what’s more, you’ll have very, very sore shins, my son.