As a child I was always advised to run away from the police rather than seek their assistance and it was with some irony, not to mention family disappointment, that in years to come I would become a lawyer.



I have been working in the field of crime for 20 years. From my roots as a local lad from the sticks, I fought all the way to the bottom to become a criminal barrister and, in so doing, faced challenges that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.



Throughout my career I have amassed a corpus of tales which will offend, surprise and hopefully amuse in equal measure. This book is unapologetically rude and irreverent as it recounts my tumultuous journey through a busy London criminal law firm, mental health practice, police stations, magistrates’ courts and the crown courts. It also visits the Court of Appeal and Old Bailey whilst stopping to doff its cap to some of the most notorious and terrifying Judges of the land and does so without any affectation of superiority.



At times I question my moral judgement, the status of my own mental health and tackle the commonly asked question: ‘How do you represent somebody you know is guilty?’