The brilliantly funny and cringe-worthy secret blog of 14-year-old Joe Cowley (wannabe comic artist and self-confessed repeller of girls):

Sunday 1st January
So here's the thing. I've decided to start writing a blog. A private one. The idea is that it'll help me sort my life out, because quite frankly, it can't get much worse . . .
· I gained the nickname Puke Skywalker after vomiting over Louise Bentley on the waltzer.
· I am subjected to daily wedgies by my arch-enemy Gav James.
· My so-called best mates are trying to get me killed in a bid to win £250 on You've Been Framed.

This cannot go on. I have to do something, or I'll end up like Mad Morris down the park who thinks he's Jesus. By the end of next term, I'm going to be a completely different person.

At least, that's the theory...