It isn't that journalism is particularly difficult - one look at Piers Morgan will prove that any fool can do it - but it nonetheless requires a level of braggadocio and bluster that would make even Donald Trump blush.

It is possible to bluff one's way through discussions on wine, or Brexit, or even the offside rule, with a little knowledge and a bit of brass neck. But anyone who attempts to pull the wool over the eyes of a journalist will be attempting The Greatest Bluff Known To Humankind, because journalists can smell a lie from 500 miles away down a patchy telephone line, while drunk and at closing time. To pull it off, you will need the native cunning of Machiavelli, the coolness of Dean Martin and the same total lack of scruples as Del Boy Trotter. You will also need this book.

DO SAY "A journalist is a reporter out of a job" - Mark Twain DON'T SAY "Trust me. Have you ever known a journalist not honour an 'off-the-record' agreement, invade someone's privacy, not protect a source, make up a quote ... ?"