A darkly comic tale, where P G Wodehouse meets Jerome K Jerome, where worse things might happen at sea, but not on this voyage. CAPTAIN CRAWLEY BIX, aka the OLD MAN, has spent all his life at sea and served on almost every ship in the Whippet-Snide line, from the the ill-fated Rose Snide, to the flagship of the fleet, the Susan Snide. With his ragtag crew, CAPTAIN BIX is returning home to Liverpool. But all is not well with this pride of the fleet. The game's afoot as VYVYN K SNIDE, heir and now owner of the line, seeks to make changes which will affect even the crew of the Susan Snide. Coupled with this, CAPTAIN CRAWLEY is also corresponding with a BEATRICE POUCH, currently residing in Tooting Bec Mental Hospital with whom he hopes to cement a lasting union.